Related:

• Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth? Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.
  [Bart opens a can and gargles with it] -- Only three cavities?...
• Homer: What the hell are you reading books for? Ba
  I'm doing "The Conan O'Brien Show", and I want to have some intelligent stuff to talk about....
• Homer: Where do you think you're going? Lisa: To the game.
  Homer: No no no. I don't want you to see me sit on my worthless butt....
• Homer: Boy, you're gonna have to be punished for this.
  Bart: Dad, you punish me, but that means you have to think of a punishment, sit here and make sure I do it....
• Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
  Marge: [Wearily] Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa....
• Homer: Fine. I can have a great time all by myself.
  Lisa: Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter....
• Homer: Look at these bills: chains for elephant. Shots for elephant.
  -- "Oversized decorative poncho"?! Bart: Technically it's for a giraffe, but I think I can let it out a little....
• Lisa: [reading the classifieds] Hey, here's a good job, Dad!
  Oh, wait, you have to know how to operate an ultrasonic lithotriptor....
• Bart: Hey, Dad. What's the word with Planet Crackpot?
  Homer: Oh, I suppose _you're_ going to mock me, too!...