Related:

• 1: Did you hear about Miss Hoover? She drank a bottle of drain cleaner by mistake.
  2: Oh, I heard she fell down a well. [Principal Skinner comes in with Miss Hoover, who is crying] Lisa...
• Miss Hoover: [shakily] Children, I won't be staying long.
  I just came from the doctor, and I have lyme disease....
• Edna: Seymour, you're being _totally_ unfair and the teachers won't stand for it.
  Skinner: You don't have the guts to strike. Edna...
• Bergstrom: [enters the classroom, guns ablazin'] Skinne
  Are you the substitute? Bergstrom: Yessir, yes I aim....
• Lisa: Aah! It's the beating of that hideous heart!
  [everyone looks at her] I mean, I think I hear something....
• Bart sighs at photo of Skinner] Lisa: Wow, I never thought Principal Skinner could become any more of a square, but there's the proof.
  Bart: It's weird, Lis: I miss him as a friend, but I miss him even more as an enemy....
• The school is a police state. Students are afraid to sneeze.
  And I have you to thank....
• Bart: Lisa, will you keep it down? I'm making a crank phone call to Principal Skinner.
  Skinner: [on phone] Well, as a matter of fact, my refrigerator _wasn't_ running....