The Simpsons

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He was a caring man, he was a kind man. He gave to his community and asked little in return.
He-- [A man whispers something in his ear.] [surprised] That's a _woman_?...
Patty: [walks up to the podium] Take a hike, bozo. And that eulogy better not show up on the bill.
I'll keep this short. Gladys lived alone, died alone. I guess you could say she...
Homer: [thinking] Oh, I thought this thing was going to be catered.
Boy, am I hungry. I mean, I'm really, really, hungry....
Lisa: Good-bye, Aunt Gladys. I wish I had taken some time to get to know you better.
Bart: [from behind the coffin] [raspy] Don't worry about it....
Hi, I'm Lionel Hutz, executor of Gladys Bouvier's estate.
She left a video will, so I earn my fee simply by pressing this "Play" button....
Gladys: I would like to begin by reading a passage from Robert Frost.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and...--" [the tape fast-forwards....
Gladys: "... and that has made all the difference." Now let's get down to business.
[Hutz's voice on the tape] To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $...
Gladys: To Marge, I leave my potato chips that resemble celebrities.
They're all here -- Otto von Bismarck, Maurice Chevalier, right down to Jay Leno....
Gladys: To my sister Jackie, I leave my pet Iguana, Jub-Jub.
Jackie: Why didn't she just leave me the bowel obstruction that killed her? -- "Selma's Choice...
Selma: Aunt Gladys was right. There's something missing in our lives.
Patty: Don't worry. We'll get that barking dog record tomorrow. -- "Selma's Choice...

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