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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
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From SW.WERNER@MCC.COM Sat May 20 17:01:05 1989
Flags: 000000000201
Date: Thu, 4 May 89 09:45 CDT
From: Jim Milstein <Milstein@MCC.COM>
Subject: Science Lite
To: hi-people@MCC.COM
Message-Id: <19890504144530.6.MILSTEIN@OX.ACA.MCC.COM>


SCIENTIST DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT - ADMINISTRATIUM

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
University physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium
(AD), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic number
is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,
75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives
it an atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together
in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of
meson-like particles called memos.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which
it is present. According to one of the discoverers of the element, a
very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally
takes less than a second take over four days.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time
it does not actually decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in
which assistants to the neutron, vice-neutrons, and assistants to the
vice-neutrons exchange place. Some studies have indicated that the
atomic mass number actually increases after each reorganization.

Administratium was discovered by accident when a researcher angrily
resigned from the chairmanship of the physics department and dumped
all of his papers in the intake hatch of the University's particle
accelerator. "Apparently, the interaction of all of those reports,
grant forms, etc. with the particles in the accelerator created the
new element." an unnamed source explained.

Research at other laboratories seems to indicate that Administratium
might occur naturally in the atmosphere. According to one scientist,
Administratium is most likely to be found on college and university
campuses, and in large corporation and government centers, near the
best-appointed and best-maintained building.

From mlf@genrad.com Sun May 21 02:20:07 1989
Flags: 000000000000
Path: molokai!milano!cadillac!pp!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!ssbn!think!bloom-beacon!watmath!looking!funny-request
From: mlf@genrad.com (Matt Fichtenbaum)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny,sci.physics
Subject: The Fusion Jokes just keep on coming.
Keywords: original, topical, funny, offense=Utah
Message-ID: <3350@looking.UUCP>
Date: 21 May 89 07:20:07 GMT
Sender: funny@looking.UUCP
Lines: 11
Approved: funny@looking.UUCP
Reply-Path: inebriae!texbell!cs.utexas.edu!genrad.com!somewhere!mlf


The structure of the deuterium (heavy hydrogen) nucleus can be
described as "a proton married to two neutrons."

Maybe that's why the fusion experiments only work in Utah.

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