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• Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin' out license plates that say "Live free or Die.
  -- ???...
• She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
  He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...
• I used to live in Wyoming, in a small town called Frontier (well, actually a suburb of Frontier called Kemmerer.
  That is pronounced Kemer. No, ya gotta say it FASTER)....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• Wary Klink Live-Pillory Clinton Wary: "Hello, welcome to Wary Klink Live.
  Tonight's guests will be First Lady elect Pillory Clinton....
• Our old friend Ed (the Texas Aggie) and his life-long buddy, Earl, went huntin' one day.
  They was walkin' through the woods when Earl decided to relieve himself behind a bush....
• Things That Make You Go Hmmmm... * Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  * If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? * Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?...
• If AOL were a City: - You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name, and all were h0t 17/f cheerleaders with a fetish for pierced gay Dobermans in spandex.
  - You'd only pay $19.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck....