The Top 16 Differences Under President Cindy Crawford
16> War on Drugs joined by War on Dull, Lifeless Hair.
15> President's residence now repainted and known as the "Teal
House" from Labor Day to Memorial Day.
14> Even with a Cabinet *full* of Baldwins, still can't get anyone
to watch the State of the Union address.
13> Paula Jones's sexual harassment lawsuit gets a LOT more coverage.
12> Her 10-point "Compact with America" bill will ensure that every
citizen is entitled to a non-shiny forehead.
11> Russia's deficits soar as Boris Yeltsin outbids the Chinese for
a year lease on the Lincoln Bedroom.
10> "Having a bad hair day" is a viable murder defense.
9> National meal for Thanksgiving changed from turkey and dressing
to parakeet and croutons.
8> "The Mole" no longer refers to a Soviet spy.
7> Independent Counsel repeatedly focuses investigations on the
President's dirty laundry.
6> Bill Clinton now sneaking *in* to White House at 4 a.m.
5> At start of joint session addresses, sergeant-at-arms now barks
"Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States! In a lovely
chiffon gown with baby-doll neckline, accented with a
breathtaking diamond solitaire pendant!"
4> Mr. Blackwell becomes FBI director; "worst dressed" lists start
popping up in post offices nationwide.
3> Typical state dinner menu: celery, a rice cake, and Tab.
2> Citizens finally stop complaining about ridiculously short
jogging shorts.
and the Number 1 Difference Under President Cindy Crawford...
1> Sudden declaration of war on Germany and England eerily
coincides with her catfight with Claudia and Naomi.
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
