Given :
a) There exists a single god called God.
b) God created the world in his own image.
c) The world is round.
Therefore, God is round.
Given :
d) There is no edge of the world.
e) The world is round from all points on the surface of the world.
Therefore, the world is spherical.
Therefore, God is actually spherical.
Given :
f) The world is not smooth, but, rather, it is lumpy.
Therefore, the world is closer to the shape of a golfball
than that of a perfect, smooth sphere.
Therefore, God is a golfball.
Given :
g) The world is not uniformly lumpy.
h) The world is covered in parts by bodies of liquid.
i) Inconsistencies in a surface are created by chewing.
j) Sloppy chewing leaves saliva on that which has been chewed.
Therefore, the world is even closer in shape to a golfball
which has been chewed on sloppily.
Therefore, God is a golfball which has been chewed on sloppily.
Given :
k) A golfball is a sports ball.
l) Dogs chew on sports balls.
m) No other being chews on sports balls.
n) Dogs are sloppy chewers.
Therefore, God is a golfball which has been chewed upon by a dog.
Given :
o) God is omnipotent.
Therefore, God is not impotent.
Given :
p) God is refered to as "He" in most literature.
q) God is omnisexual.
Therefore, God is male.
Given :
r) God required a mate to reproduce his image.
s) God is heterosexual.
Therefore, God created a female.
Given :
t) In the beginning, there was only God.
Therefore, God created the dog which chewed Him.
Given :
u) God created life.
v) God created only one thing (proposition).
Therefore, God created a female dog to represent life.
Therefore, life is a bitch.
Once upon a time there was a
mathematician who found an equation for
GOD. It was, of course, a very
complicated equation but, she figured,
all she had to do was find a computer
system which (1) had a large enough
memory to store all the necessary
variables and (2) was fast enough to
gather all the information together....
