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Date: Tue, 30 Oct 90 17:08:46 EST
From: raf@minnie.cs.su.OZ.AU (Robert Anton Fabian)
Subject: Funny Songs
Summary: Julie "The Deviate" Andrews
These songs were written by some people here at uni
and they have given me permission to post them here.
They are to be sung to the tune of "My Favourite Things"
(I just *knew* that movie had to be good for something)
This was written by Fred Curtis (who is perfectly normal - really)
Pointers to pointers to printf()-like functions;
Unary minus and nested conjunctions;
Integers, booleans, characters, strings;
These are a few of my favourite things.
Bach on a CD and good indentation;
Not getting mugged while en route to the station;
Fountains with wishes and Gnomes without slings;
These are a few of my favourite things.
When the bug bites! When core dumps!
When the machine's had the <proverbial>
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't fell so sick.
In response to which came the following song:
WARNING: May be offensive - pretend that it's rot13'd
This was written by someone who won't let me name him here
but honestly, he's the most pious, kindhearted and morally
pure person I know :-) The devil made him do it
Fourteen inch dildos with straps of elastic
Form fitting undies made out of clear plastic
Five foot four women with haircuts like boys
These are a few of my favourite toys.
Warm sticky substances smeared on my belly
Plastic containers filled with KY Jelly
Women who can turn their tongues upside down
These are a few of the best things I've found.
When the whip cracks. When the straps snap.
When I'm feeling glum.
I think of the wonderful games that I've played.
I let out a sigh and <proverbial>.
Isn't it amazing what people trying to avoid work can get up to?
BTW - I apologise for misspelling Dan Quayle's name in an earlier article (I
was aping DimOne FeltHead at the time - a bad mistake), but then again I don't
pay any attention to politics over here, why should I give a shit about your
politics?
raf
--
Robert A Fabian | DISCLAIMER: The above views do not
raf@basser.cs.su.oz.au | reflect those of my employer or ...
Basser Department of Computer Science | Wait a minute. I'm a student. I don't
University of Sydney | have a job! Who's got an employer? Whee!
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*** EOOH ***
Date: Tue, 30 Oct 90 17:08:48 EST
From: kdq@demott.COM (Kevin D. Quitt)
Subject: Re: Funny jokes that make no sense (was Re: Dada Humor)
In article <2248@oucsace.cs.OHIOU.EDU> tswingle@oucsace.cs.OHIOU.EDU (Tom Swingle) writes:
>
>And the worst part was that after a while he actually thought he got the
>joke.
A friend of mine and I made up a chess variant that used the same
pieces and moves, but we changed the board: we wrapped the back rows of
the opposite teams together, then sliced the board diagonally and laid
it back out flat (not physically, of course), so the starting position
had both sets of pieces along the middle diagonal, with a rook alone in
one corner, etc., etc. Moves were made according to chess rules, but
with this setup, bishops (e.g.) would move orthogonally in one direction
and make knight-like moves in the other (that's how it appeared).
We had originally done this as an exercise in concentration (keeping
the game in one's head). A friend of ours, who fancied himself quite a
chess player, would come by and watch (being too proud to ask the
rules). To keep it interesting, we would roll dice, (which had
*nothing* to do with anything), and then occasionally make comments like
"I was afraid you were going to move your queen, but with that roll...".
And yes, after him watching a few games, he thought he had figured out
how to play the game. (well, it was hilarious at the time). We never did
tell him what was up.
--
_
Kevin D. Quitt demott!kdq kdq@demott.com
DeMott Electronics Co. 14707 Keswick St. Van Nuys, CA 91405-1266
VOICE (818) 988-4975 FAX (818) 997-1190 MODEM (818) 997-4496 PEP last
96.37% of all statistics are made up.
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*** EOOH ***
Date: Tue, 30 Oct 90 17:08:51 EST
From: law@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com
Subject: Funny names
I would never bullshit a group full of bullshitters, but I actually talked
to guy who was named Manley Hare on the telephone. And a good friend of mine
swears he went to school with a Harry Wiener.
By the way, since my last name is Law and I'm a EE, I was very tempted to name
my first son Ohms or maybe Murphys. But even I can't be that pricky, at least
not to my own offspring.
RAMBOB
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Date: Tue, 30 Oct 90 17:08:55 EST
From: mlindsey@x102c.harris-atd.com (Lindsey MS 04396)
Subject: Re: Funny names
In article <1672.272bee3f@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com> law@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com writes:
>I would never bullshit a group full of bullshitters, but I actually talked
>to guy who was named Manley Hare on the telephone. And a good friend of mine
>swears he went to school with a Harry Wiener.
>RAMBOB
When I went to the University of Florida (78-82), there was a girl named
Bitch Suk Wang. Needless to say, she applied for an unlisted phone number.
In the way of practical jokes, my roomate and I took a study break to buy some
beer on a Spring afternoon. We decided to buy one of the generic Beaver mags
because it had "phonograph sex" included. As it turned out, it had a plastic
recording of an orgy on it. Since our next door neighboors were all young
nurses, and my roomates and myself were all young perverts there was always
lots of wild noises emanating from our building. Anyway, we lowered all the
lights, put the speakers near the windows, and played the pornograph at a very
loud volume. We almost died from laughing when we saw all of the neighboors
looking out their windows and listening very intently to the moans, groans,
and "fuck-me's". It was more fun than the cheap beer (Black Label, ughh!).
"Waste your brain, wax your board, and pray for waves!" Woody in E.G.A.E.
/earth is 98% full! Please delete anyone you can! (anonymous)
$teve Lindsey |-) uunet!x102a!mlindsey
(407) 727-5893 :-) mlindsey@x102a.ess.harris.com
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*** EOOH ***
Date: Tue, 30 Oct 90 17:09:29 EST
Subject: Funky stuff - part 100
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few
weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was
in heat. What what to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike,
a JEDR responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was
rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very
bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.
Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla. So he was
approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla -
for five hundred bucks? Mike replied that he might be interested, but
would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer,
but only under three conditions: "First," he said, "I don't want to
have to kiss her", and "Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring
that may result from this union".
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what
could be the third? "Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another
week to come up with the five hundred bucks".
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
