Related:

• You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
  "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness....
• Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him.
  Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing....
• Syadov walks into the Moscow health clinic and asks to see an ear-and-eye doctor.
  The nurse explains to him that there isn't a specialist in those two areas at the clinic, but tells him that they have an eye-doctor AND an ear, nose, and throat man....
• A man was in court as a witness on a rape case. Witne
  I saw the him giving her a right good f---ing, he was....
• Mrs. Jones, Do You Know Me? A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
  He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?...
• All this I cannot bear to witness any longe
• While looking for a Real Job (read: technical writing), I've been paying the bills doing medical transcription work.
  I came across a book today called "The Empty Laugh Book" by the American Association for Medical Transcription, containing some of the funniest dictated and transcribed quotes from the world of medicine that I've ever encountered....
• Never Felt Better... An old farmer was on his way for a night out on the town.
  He loaded his old hound dog into the buggy, had his favorite horse pulling the buggy, and was on his way....
• The President Of The Bank Of Canada... A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.
  She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!...