Fresh Every 2.7 Days PEE YU PLATTER Clothes Pins Extra HOO FLUNG POO Napkins & Raincoats Provided SUC SUM TIT Children's Special YUNG POON TANG No Take Out Orders Accepted LUNCHEON SPECIALS SUM YUNG CHICK.

Fresh Every 2.7 Days

PEE YU PLATTER
Clothes Pins Extra

HOO FLUNG POO
Napkins & Raincoats Provided

SUC SUM TIT
Children's Special

YUNG POON TANG
No Take Out Orders Accepted

LUNCHEON SPECIALS

SUM YUNG CHICK..........$6.99
Different and Delicious

WON HUNG LO..............$6.99
Chinese Meatballs

SUM DUM FUC..............$9.69
Same - #1 But With Extra Sauce

CHU SUM TWAT............$16.99
Dinner - Parties Of 3 Or More

SUC MI PORK..............$9.69
Chef's Special

FUC YU MAN...............$6.69
Specialty Of The House

DINNER COMBINATIONS
Includes Smeg Roll & Fortune
Nookie

1. GOO IN HAND...........$9.69
For Those Dining Alone

2. GOO WEE CHICK.........$6.99
Sloppy Seconds - No Charge

3. CUM TU SOON...........$6.99
Order Early - These Go Fast

4. SUC MI WANG...........$6.99
Traditional Chinese Meatloaf

5. SUM DUM CHICK.........$4.99
You Get What You Pay For

6. FUC MEI SLO...........$6.69
Not Available After 10PM

7. LIK MI CLIT...........$6.99
A Delicious Lick Smacking
Oriental Delicacy

8. CHO KON IT............$9.99
Not For The Light Throated

9. FUC SUM NOW...........$6.99
For Those In A Hurry

10. WAI TU YUNG..........$4.99
Not Available On School
Nights

11. TUNG SUM CHICK.......$8.99
A Taste Bud Tingler

12. SUM GULP CUM.........$9.69
Low-Cal Diet Special
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Drop Trouser, Sydney 2120.

Dear ___________,

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and
represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of
Directors feel that your wearing of our product in advertisements does not
portray a positive romantic image for our product. A loose, baggy and
wrinkled condom is not considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using poly-grip, but even
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like
to note however that yours is the first we have seen that looked like a
bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and would like to thank you for your time. We
will retain your application for possible future consideration. If by
chance we decide there is a market for mini-condoms we will call you.

We send greetings and sympathy for your lady.

Sincerely,

Burly Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

P.S. Remember our slogans:

Cover your stump before you hump!
Don't be silly, protect your willie!
Never deck her with an unwrapped packer!
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker!
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
A Tiskit, a taskit, a condom or a casket!

"The Hole In The Bed" by Mr. Completely
"Safety On The Rifle Range" by Miss Fyre
"Holes In The Toilet" by I. P. Stones
"Yellow River" by I. P. Freeley
"Rusty Bedsprings" by I. P. Nightly
"In The Bushes" by I. P. Dailey
"How The Homos Came To Be" by Ben Dover
"The Bear Got Me" by Claude Bawls
"Under The Grandstand" by I. Seymour Butz
"Spots On The Wall" by Pickett & Flickett
"I Dare You" by Hugo Furst
"Tragedy On The Cliff" by Eileen Dover
"Elephant's Dong" by Miles Long
"How To Upkeep Your Yard" by Lon Moore
"Running Milk" by I. Suckatit
"Open Komono" by C. Moore Hayers
"Tracks In The Sand" by Peter Dragon
"The Bride's Big Surprise" by E. Norma Speeder
"Shorter Miniskirts" by Seymour Hiney
"Race To The Outhouse" by Willie Maykit
Illustrated by Betty Doant, foreward by Betty Woant
"Bloody Saddles" by Ontha Ragg
"Stained Ceilings" by I.B. Yakinov, foreward by Jack Knauf
"The Joy Of Self-Abuse" by Dick Pullar, foreward by Jack Goff
"The Art Of The Strip Tease" by Oliver Klosoff
"Sex In The Vatican" by Ho Lee Fuk
"French Athletes" by Jacques Strappe
"Lying To Your Lover" by Faye King
"Why I Like Chevys" by Iona Ford
"Genital Grooming" by Harry Dix
"Women In Jazz" by Bertha D. Blooz
"Father Gets Even" by Amanda B. Reckinwith
"Loving Two Women At The Same Time" by W. Pleasure and W. Funn
"Tax-free Withdrawals" by Robin Banks
"Gay Fashion" by Leo Tard
"Unbelievable" by Frank Lee Stund
"Venereal Disease Symptoms" by Dick Boyles
"Why I Became A Woman" by Mike Hunt
"That Loveable Lush" by Al Koholik
"Pile In The Desert" by Squatten Lee Vitt
"Beer: The Secrets To Success" by Phil R. Upp
"How To Leave Early" by Ken I. Gonow
"How To Make More Room In A Bed" by Sly Dover
"Chinese Vulgarities" by Phuck Yoo
"Programming With Oriental Computers" by C. P. Yoo
"Down The Flag Pole" by Dick Burns
"Highrise Ups and Downs" by L. E. Vader
"Chinese Golfing Techniques" by Ho Lin Wun
"How I Betrayed You, My Buddy" by Scrooge Orwyfe
"Puppet Masters And Their Secrets" by Hal D. Doody
"How Not To Act Around The Physically Impaired" by Ken U. Wock
"How to Lose Weight" by Yudo Neet
"Runner's High" by Ira N. Minnymiles
"Shaving Your Entire Body" by Harry Oliver
"Experimenting With Drugs" by Ike N. Fly
"How To Make Yourself Blind" by Harry Pawms, foreward by B. Churmeet
"Child Psychology" by I. B. Goode
"The Ruined Sheets" by C. Menstains
"The Bulimic's Guide" by Thoreau Upp
"Life On Other Planets" by Edie Foanhoam
"Urinary Tract Infections" by I. Pease Eldom
"Blood On The Hurdles" by I. Hung Lo
"Winter Driving Tips" by I. C. Rhodes
"Home Canning" by Sal Minella
"Is It In Yet?" by Izzy Honor
"Finishing Your Own Furniture" by Lynne C. Doyle
"How To Be A Nursemaid At Home" by Karen Feeding
"Hawaiian Orgy" by Cummoniwannalayya
"The Best Erogenous Zones" by Val Gyna
"Circumcision" by Dick Hertz
"The Pregnant Nun" by Pastor Period
"How I Got High" by Iona Shringe
"So You've Testified Against The Mafia, Now What?" by Yurin Trubble
"How To Hang Drapes" by Kurt N. Rod
"Artificial People" by Frank N. Stein
"Here I Come!" by R. U. Reddy
"Productive Complaining" by Belle E. Akin
"Don't Do It" by Yul B. Sawry
"How Not To Handle Stress" by Sue E. Syde
"Little Women" by Barbie Dahl
"Throwing Money Away" by Phil T. Rich
"Play It Safe" by Justin Case
"The Marlena Dietrich Story" by Ivana Beale Owen

Penis Song From Monty Pythons Meaning of life

..Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis,
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong.
It's swell to have a stiffy, It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger, to the worlds biggest prick.
So three cheers for your Williy or John Thomas,
Horray for you one-eyed trouser snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock.
But don't take it out in public or they'll stick you in the dock...
and you won't a-come a-back

Oh, thank-you very much!

THE CIVIL SERVANT'S DOG
-----------------------

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was
an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square",
and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a
triangle, which he did with no sweat.

The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better.
He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of
three, which he did with no problem.

The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog,
"Apothecary", could do better yet. He told his dog to get a quart of
milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this
without a hitch.

All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to
the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant
called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the
fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then strolled over and
ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other
three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so. He then filed
a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied for Workers' Compensation,
and left for home on sick leave.

|> Here's another good telephone joke ,
|> but you'll need a couple of freinds to do it with .....
|>
|> Have your freinds call up a certain number and have them ask for
|> 'Dan' for example,
|> and when there's no Dan there , of course they'll get
|> the reply 'I'm afraid you have the wrong number',
|>
|> Keep this up a couple of times ,
|> and then finally call up and say
|> 'Hi this is Dan , any messages?'
|>
|> AND WAIT FOR THE REPLY !!!!!!
|> (or else stunned silence !)

A man enters a bar a asks, "Does anybody in here own the big
black Doberman out front?"
A large, muscular Hell's Angel type biker says, "It's mine. What
about it?"
The first man answered, "My dog just got into a fight with your
dog, and my dog killed your dog."
The biker said, "What kind of dog do you have?"
The first man said, "A chihuahua."
In disbelief, the biker went outside to investigate. A very large
black Doberman lay dead on the sidewalk, but the chihuahua was not in
sight.
"Where is your dog?" asked the biker.
The other man replied, "He's stuck in your dog's throat."

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see
walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking
along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud
"THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. This pasttime was
immensely enjoyable to the truck driver.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch
hiking, so he thought he would do a good turn by offering the priest a
lift. So he pulled the truck over and asked the priest, "Where are you
going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!" replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." With that,
the happy priest climbed into the passenger seat, and the truck driver
continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road, and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a
priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the
road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However, even though he was certain he
missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD".

Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors, and
when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry,
Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

There were two high school friends, Artie and Dominick, who
did everything together, and were the absolute best of friends. Then
they went off to different colleges and were separated for several years.
One day, however, Artie was sitting and a bar and looks over and sees his
old friend Dominick
"Dominick?" he shouts
"Artie?" Dominick replied.
Obviously they were happy to see each other again, and spent a long
time catching up on old times. Along the course of the conversation, Artie
asked Dominick what he did as a career.
"I'm an inventor," Dominick said.
"Wow," said Artie, "you must be loaded!"
"Well, I would be, except for my wife spends all my money. I really
hate her and wish she were dead!"
"well, hey," Artie said, "I'm a hit man! I can knock her off for
ya!"
Dominick was pleased with this idea, and offered Artie a great deal
of money to do this. Artie, however would not take it, saying that it would
be free for his best friend. Dominick felt bad about this, and kept trying
to pay SOMETHING to Artie, but he refused. Finally Dominick said, "Listen,
let me pay you, alright? Just a dollar, okay? A dollar to say that I paid
you. Please?" Finally, Artie agreed to the cost of one dollar, and the
plans were made.
Later, while Dominick was away, Artie went to his house and strangled
his wife. Just as she died, the butler walked into the room, so Artie
strangled him as well. Seconds after his death, in walked the maid, so once
again, he was forced to strangle another person. Finally, after she was dead,
he raced out of the house and down the street, but was caught by the police.
Next day the headlines read:
ARTIE CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AND DOMINICK'S