Polite Rejection
This goes out to any woman who's had to reject a loser. Now we have a form
letter to send out.
Dear (name)-
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention
as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed
to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an
opening come available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors,
please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from
the competition:
(Check those that apply)
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating
it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture
myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my
personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to
kiss you.
___ You have a hairy back.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little disconcerting.
___ Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that
you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a
long term partner.
___ The fact that you categorize the ProBowler's Tour as "must see TV"
demonstrated that you do not meet my intelligence requirements.
___ Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were
really necessary for a successful business trip.
___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
[your name here]
Human Resources Department
Announcing the:
1988
REC. HUMOR.FUNNY
Computer Network Humour
Annual
I often get requests for back-jokes out of rec....
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
