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• Hand me that solar-powered flashlight...
• Polish invention : Solar powered flashlights.
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• MORE OXYMORONS ... helicopter with an ejection seat.
  ... submarine with a screen door. ... solar powered nightlight....
• Q: Did you hear about the latest Polish invention? A: A solar powered flashlight.
• What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
  Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule....
• For Sale (Cheap!) FOR SALE AS OF 1/2/2000 5000 watt propane generator 200 canned hams 100 pounds dried beans 2000 gallons fresh water (including underground tank) 75 MRE'S 800 assorted canned vegetables 8 cases sterno (24 per case) 18 boxes matches 2000 rounds of 45 caliber bullets 10 cases 12 gauge shotgun shells 50 "D" cell batteries.
  75 "AA" batteries. 47 "AAA" batteries. 1 solar powered radio 4 cases powdered protein 1 milk cow 1 bull 7 laying hens 1 rooster furniture for 40' x 60' underground shelter (with separate livestock quarters) 1 wood burning stove 8 cords wood 43 assorted magazines (12 adult related) 12 flashlights 8 kerosene lamps 16 military blankets Many other miscellaneous survival items....
• TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK 1.
  I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames....
• PROFESSOR EPPENDORF'S LABORATORY NOVELTIES AND PRACTICAL JOKES by Zev Winicur X-RAY SPECS Forget the cheap, plastic x-ray specs from yesteryear.
  These battery powered spectacles contain a real x-ray!...