If Men Really Ruled The World...
· Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your
call to her real number.
· Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response
to "I love you."
· Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
· When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd
appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
· Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle,
you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
· Birth control would come in ale or lager.
· You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd
worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
· Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of
your choice.
· The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
· "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an
acceptable excuse for tardiness.
· At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your
window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car
like Fred Flintstone.
· It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned
helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
· Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public
ugliness" ordinance.
· Tanks would be far easier to rent.
· Garbage would take itself out.
· Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
· Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be
with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
· Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in
leap years.
· On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go
drinking. Mother's Day, too.
· St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be
celebrated every month.
· Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the
pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
· Two words: Ally McNaked.
· Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the
Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world
history.
· The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the
losers.
· The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night
Football from a Different Camera Angle.
· It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned
it the following day with a full tank of gas.
· Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
· When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with
would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's ?10 off."
· Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
· The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
· People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
· Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
· Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
