Arizona Diary:
May 30th
Just moved to Tucson, Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts
blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a
blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Someone won a trip to Alaska by
guessing June 14th at 1:323PM when the "ice will go out on the Sana Cruz
river". Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car - not
a problem. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning
into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing grass for me like I had to
twice a week in California. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? It's a dry heat but getting used to it is taking longer
than I expected.
July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got third-degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed
two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though; got
to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 25th
Damn DRY heat, my ass. HOT IS HOT! The home air conditioner is on the fritz,
and the repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to
order a compressor.
July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Fifteen hundred
dollars in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever
come here?
Aug 4th
One hundred and fifteen degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed
today. It cost $1200 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid
repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this freakin' state.
Aug 8th
If another WISE ASS cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear
his sorry throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and no deodorant works well
enough!
Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny - hot
and sunny - hot and sunny. It's been too damn hot to make love to the wife
for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next
week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert? Water rationing has been
in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into
the friggin' pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat. What the hell!?
Aug 14th
Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 118 today. Forgot to crack the window
and blew the windshield out of the Mercedes. The installer came to fix it
and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house
payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug 30th
Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The ferking monsoon
rains finally came and all they did is make it muggier than hell. The
Mercedes is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $1400 windshield -
nobody told me about staying out of the washes during a "flash flood"
warning. That does it, we're moving back to California and buying a house
next to the freeway for some peace and quiet.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
