Florida Kicked Out Of The U.S.
WASHINGTON D.C. - Following An Emergency Meeting Tuesday Morning, Congress
Unanimously Voted To Excise Florida From The United States Of America.
Florida Kicked Out of the U.S.
WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Tuesday morning, Congress
unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America. The
move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's
voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.
"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch "First Elian
Gonzales, now this."
Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in
coming.
"We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank.
"They've been a constant embarrassment for too long now." Added Frank, "They
had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that's right,
screw up our entire democracy. I forgot"
In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented
that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions
of dollars in social security funds. "These are valuable funds which can now
be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our
demoralized, weakened military," said the Senator to roaring applause.
As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new
election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in each state
will be tabulated by robots.
"It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherently flawed,"
said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. "The presence of these new,
superior robot mast- err, I mean - tabulators will ensure 100% accuracy."
"Remember," said Hastert, "every vote counts, especially if it's counted by
robots."
Dynamiting will begin on the Alabama-Florida and Georgia-Florida borders
next Wednesday, after which the state will be completely geographically
separated from the United States.
"After that, they're on their own," said Hastert. "I hope they sink!"
