These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the
chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits.
*I will not carve gods.
*I will not spank others.
*I will not aim for the head.
*I will not barf unless I'm sick
*I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
*I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
*I will not conduct my own fire drills.
*Funny noises are not funny.
*I will not snap bras.
*I will not fake seizures.
*This punishment is not boring and pointless.
*My name is not Dr. Death.
*I will not defame New Orleans.
*I will not prescribe medication.
*I will not bury the new kid.
*I will not teach others to fly.
*I will not bring sheep to class.
*A burp is not an answer.
*Teacher is not a leper.
*Coffee is not for kids.
*I will not eat things for money.
*I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
*The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
*I will not call the principal "spud head".
*Goldfish don't bounce.
*Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
*No one is interested in my underpants.
*I will not sell miracle cures.
*I will return the seeing-eye dog.
*I do not have diplomatic immunity.
*I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
*I will never win an emmy.
*The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
*All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
*I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
*I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
*My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
*I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
*I am not deliciously saucy.
*Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
*The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
*I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
*There are plenty of businesses like show business.
*Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
*I will not waste chalk.
*I will not skateboard in the halls.
*I will not instigate revolution.
*I will not draw naked ladies in class.
*I did not see Elvis.
*I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
*Garlic gum is not funny.
*They are laughing at me, not with me.
*I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
*I will not encourage others to fly.
*I will not fake my way through life.
*Tar is not a plaything.
*I will not Xerox my butt.
*It's potato, not potatoe.
*I will not trade pants with others.
*I am not a 32 year old woman.
*I will not do that thing with my tongue.
*I will not drive the principal's car.
*I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
*I will not sell school property.
*I will not burp in class.
*I will not cut corners.
*I will not get very far with this attitude.
*I will not belch the National Anthem.
*I will not sell land in Florida.
*I will not grease the monkey bars.
*I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
*I will not do anything bad ever again.
*I will not show off.
*I will not sleep through my education.
*I am not a dentist.
*Spitwads are not free speech.
*Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
*High explosives and school don't mix.
*I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
*I will not squeak chalk.
*I will finish what I sta
*"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
*Underwear should be worn on the inside.
*The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
*I will not torment the emotionally frail.
