A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the
animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman
might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be
known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large
and strong woman, with a very unique (for North America anyway)
animal hide for her blanket. This woman was known as Squaw of
Hippopotamus hide, and she was as large and powerful as the animal
from which her blanket was made.
Year after year, this woman entered the tribal wrestling tournament,
and easily defeated all challengers; male or female. As the men
of the tribe admired her strength and power, this made many of the
other woman of the tribe extremely jealous, . One year, two of
the squaws petitioned the Chief to allow them to enter their sons
together as a wrestling tandem in order to wrestle Squaw of the
Hippopotamus hide as a team. In this way, they hoped to see that
she would no longer be champion wrestler of the tribe.
As the luck of the draw would have it, the two sons who were wrestling
as a tandem met the squaw in the final and championship round of
the wrestling contest. As the match began, it became clear that
the squaw had finally met an opponent that was her equal. The two
sons wrestled and struggled vigorously and were clearly on an
equal footing with the powerful squaw. Their match lasted for
hours without a clear victor. Finally the chief intervened and
declared that, in the interests of the health and safety of the
wrestlers, the match was to be terminated and that he would
declare a winner.
The chief retired to his teepee and contemplated the great struggle he
had witnessed, and found it extremely difficult to decide a
winner. While the two young men had clearly outmatched the squaw,
he found it difficult to force the squaw to relinquish her tribal
championship. After all, it had taken two young men to finally
provide her with a decent match. Finally, after much
deliberation, the chief came out from his teepee, and announced
his decision. He said...
"The Squaw of the Hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws
of the other two hides"
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier
riddle.
There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count
and those who cannot.
A guy decided to go to the brain transplant clinic to refreshen his
supply of brains. The secretary informed him that they had three kinds
of brains available at that time. Doctors' brains were going for $20
per ounce and lawyers' brains were getting $30 per ounce. And then there
were mathematicians' brains which were currently fetching $1000 per ounce.
"A 1000 dollars an ounce!" he cried. "Why are they so expensive?"
--"It takes more mathematicians to get an ounce of brains," she explained.
Q: What do a mathematician and a physiscist [or engineer, or
musician , or whatever the profession of the person
adressed] have in common?
A; They are both stupid, with the exception of the
mathematician.
Here in Champaign a few years back, a man returned the next day
to the bank he had robbed, to open an account. The teller recognized him
and promptly called the police, delaying the man until they arrived.
Take a whizz over this (or just a look):
a = 1
b = 2.14159265
c = 3.14159265
a + b = c
a - c = -b
(a - c)(a - c) = -b(a - c)
a^2 - 2ac + c^2 = bc - ab
a^2 + ab - ac = ac + bc - c^2
a (a + b - c) = c (a + b - c)
a = c
Thus 1 = 3.14159265
..... So two physicists are sitting on a park bench eating lunch. One looks up,
sees a dog licking himself beetween the legs and flatly states: "You know --
I sure wish I could do that." The other, without looking up from his lunchbox
responds: "Yeah, but you sure better pet him first." ......
When I was working as a special ed bus driver, we often had layover time
and would talk about things we did in high school. One driver in particular
absolutely took the cake.
She said that when she was in high school, they used to hang out in the
cemetary (this was a number of years ago, before vandalism became a
problem). One night they were all walking around up and as she walked
past one of the graves, a hand shot out and grabbed a hold of her ankle.
Needless to say, she lost her mind and went screaming back to the car.
As it turns out, the group had gone up there earlier in the day and
buried one of their friends under about 3 inches of soils on TOP of one
of the existing graves...when he heard her voice come close to the head
stone, he just grabbed.
Needless to say, they were all quite afraid to call her after that. It
took her quite some time to cool down....
On the practical joke thread:
Some friends of mine once sprayed some engine starter into one of these
washroom dryers and put some clear packing tape on the grill under the nozzle.
Guy comes along, pushes button, and *fooom!*
----------
Wait until you know they are going to be taking their other half
to bed that night - get into their bedroom - and put some icing sugar
into the bed. They won't find it until they get hot & start to sweat...
I once knew an individual who had been drinking too much Friday
night. Saturday morining at around 5a.m. a few of his "friends"
woke him up and convinced him it was Friday morning and he had
an exam in 10 minutes. Considering he was hopelessly hung-over and
half awake, he believed them. So, off to campus he went at 5am Saturday
morning convinced he had a test to take.
A few hours later he was found asleep at the bottom of a stairwell.
No one ever found out what he did during those 2 or 3 hours he
was on campus trying to find his "exam".
You guys lack finesse. In my college dorm we had one of those irritating type
guys who was born with more money than most of us could ever dream of
earning, and naturally we resented his Porsche, his boat, and the women
who hung all over same. And the guy went out of his way to remind us all
about his money, car, and especially the women. Most uf us were 2 and 3 to
a dorm room, but he had a room all to himself at the end of hall in the dorm.
So........ when he took off for an extended weekend, a bunch of us
theatre department freaks went to his door, removed the doorknob,
plastered over the entire wall at the end of the hall, nailed up
new wood molding, painted the entire hallway a new color and changed all the
remaining door numbers. When our "target" returned, his room had simply
vanished!
I own a computer here on campus and it is in pretty heavy demand from friends
who want to type papers. It is a multitasking computer so I was able to do
my evil deed easily. I wrote a program that randomly says some sentences and
ran it along with my word processor. Every once in a while it would say
something, startling or scaring the typing victim, and as most of them were
computer illiterate, they had no clue as to what was going on. When
confronted, I would shrug my shoulders and ask them if they imagined the whole
thing. Needless to say they never discovered what I did and I had a great
semester messing with their heads.
Things I had my computer say: (In a female voice)
Hi! My name is Phoebe. What's yours?
Attention I will self destruct in 10 seconds. Please save all your work
immediately. Have a nice day.
Don't be silly. How can I be talking to you.
You made a typo back there.
Hey! Guess what? Elvis is alive and is living inside me.
Hey! Get off of me. Keep your grubby hands off my keyboard.
Warning! You hit the self destruct key. I will self destruct in 15 seconds.
Just kidding.
Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Arn't you done yet?
"Hello, this is the telephone company. We have linemen working in your
area. They are dealing with extremely high-voltage switching
arrangements, and there is the possibility of electrocution danger to
either party if you accept a telephone call. Please do not answer your
telephone for the next 30 minutes."
You call back 10 minutes or so later, and when the person answers, you
give your best death-scream:
"AUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
One weekend many years ago, when I was in the Youth Group III in church.
Our group (all of us were from 18 to 22 yrs old) invited the groups I & II
(14 to 17 yrs old) on a weekend camping trip.
Before the trip, we went to the camp site and set up several obstacles
for them, one of which was a chain saw. And also someone that the young
didn't know was comming.
Somewhere around 10 to 11 at night after the trip was on its way, we all
went for a walk in the woods. We (group III) led everyone through the
woods for about half an hour comming upon a graveyard (it was fake, some
foot stones and cow bones). The younger crowd was engulfed in the idea
of the graveyard until they heard the chain saw. Our "uninvited" guest
came running through with the chain saw. I rember seeing a couple of the
young one lifting kudzu and hidding while others ran for thier lives!
And to see the look on thier faces when they knew they had been had.
