THE CIVIL SERVANT'S DOG
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Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was
an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square",
and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a
triangle, which he did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better.
He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of
three, which he did with no problem.
The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog,
"Apothecary", could do better yet. He told his dog to get a quart of
milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this
without a hitch.
All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to
the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant
called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the
fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then strolled over and
ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other
three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so. He then filed
a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied for Workers' Compensation,
and left for home on sick leave.
There were two high school friends, Artie and Dominick, who
did everything together, and were the absolute best of friends. Then
they went off to different colleges and were separated for several years.
One day, however, Artie was sitting and a bar and looks over and sees his
old friend Dominick
"Dominick?" he shouts
"Artie?" Dominick replied.
Obviously they were happy to see each other again, and spent a long
time catching up on old times. Along the course of the conversation, Artie
asked Dominick what he did as a career.
"I'm an inventor," Dominick said.
"Wow," said Artie, "you must be loaded!"
"Well, I would be, except for my wife spends all my money. I really
hate her and wish she were dead!"
"well, hey," Artie said, "I'm a hit man! I can knock her off for
ya!"
Dominick was pleased with this idea, and offered Artie a great deal
of money to do this. Artie, however would not take it, saying that it would
be free for his best friend. Dominick felt bad about this, and kept trying
to pay SOMETHING to Artie, but he refused. Finally Dominick said, "Listen,
let me pay you, alright? Just a dollar, okay? A dollar to say that I paid
you. Please?" Finally, Artie agreed to the cost of one dollar, and the
plans were made.
Later, while Dominick was away, Artie went to his house and strangled
his wife. Just as she died, the butler walked into the room, so Artie
strangled him as well. Seconds after his death, in walked the maid, so once
again, he was forced to strangle another person. Finally, after she was dead,
he raced out of the house and down the street, but was caught by the police.
Next day the headlines read:
ARTIE CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AND DOMINICK'S
