The Night The Gelatinous Mass Of Flesh Converged On Ponderosa By Eric Cotter There Once Was A Party Of Four Who Couldn't Fit Inside A Door I'm Sure You'd Agree That These Four Would Be Harpooned If They Swam Off The Shore The Leader Of The Group Was Chasm Ever Seen Fifteen Chins -- He Has 'em When He Engulfs Food The Image So Lewd Gives Everyone Near Muscle Spasms His Three Friends - Gorge

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The Night the Gelatinous Mass of Flesh Converged on Ponderosa
by Eric Cotter

There once was a party of four
Who couldn't fit inside a door
I'm sure you'd agree
That these four would be
Harpooned if they swam off the shore

The leader of the group was Chasm
Ever seen fifteen chins -- he has 'em
When he engulfs food
The image so lewd
Gives everyone near muscle spasms

His three friends - Gorge, Inhale, and Glop
Consumed food with nary a stop
Once at Donut World
Their frenzy unfurled
They had coffee, donuts, and a cop

They walked with a side-to-side gait
Because of their tremendous weight
Well you may not buy it
But they tried to diet
Against hunger that no one could sate

They were doing well at their slimming
The fat on their meat they were trimming
But their effort was tossed
They gained back what they'd lost
And hunger was already brimming

They burst out of Weight Watchers that night
Buildings were crushed under their might
And then the group did meet
A sign - All You Can Eat
And thus began the terrible blight

The manager gasped at the terrible sight
His whole body trembled with great fright
How could Ponderosa
End up as the host o'
Four who could block the sun's light

He quickly became incoherent
As he watched his food disappearin'
They've eaten their valet
And inhaled the buffet
Now at the kitchen they were leerin'

The chefs cowered before the quartet
Seeing hunger that no one could whet
They consumed all in sight
On that horrible night
Eating everything that they could get

They widened before everyone's eyes
Surrounded by thousands of flies
But so greatly loaded
Their bodies exploded
And fireworks lit up the skies

Those four will not really be missed
For they had many people pissed
They ravaged a town
Knocking buildings down
And that's just the start of the list

But this story does have a lesson
Eating too much Crisco and Wesson
Leads to massive weight gain
And abdominal pain
And heart attacks can be distressin'

CRAP -- CRAsh Proof
Example: "Our mainframe is CRAP."

TURD -- Totally UnReadable Documentation
Example: "They shipped CRAP with the last system upgrade."


Nothing is better than happiness
A baloney sandwich is better than nothing
A baloney sandwich is better than happiness

"Specimens" -- sung to the tune of BabyFace

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