_Wet_Dream_
It was April the 41st. Being a quadruple leap year, I was
driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so
I was in a rented Stingray and it was overheating.
So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal.
I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my personal life out of
it, okay pal?"
While they were doing that I walked over to a place called The
Oyster Bar. A real dive. But I knew the owner (he used to play
for the Dolphins). I said, "Hi Gill!" (you have to yell, he's
hard of herring).
chorus:
Think I had a wet dream
Cruising through the Gulf Stream
Oooooh oooooh-ooooh oooooh
Wet dream
Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping
his head below water. I bellied up to the sand bar. He poured
me the usual -- rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not
stirred, with a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the
side, heavy on the mako.
I slipped him the fin, on porpoise. I was feeling good. I even
slipped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids, for the
halibut.
Well, the place was crowded -- we were packed in like sardines.
They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy
Dorsal -- what sole! Tommy was rockin' the place with a very
popular tuna -- "Salmon 'Chanted Evening". And the stage was
surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass
player.
One of them was this cute little yellow-tail and she's givin' me
the eye, so I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You
know, a little pisces.
But she said things I just couldn't fathom; she was too deep.
Seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy could she drink! She
drank like a -- she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?"
She said, "Aquarian."
I said, "Great! Let's get tanked!"
I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I
said, "Come on baby. It'll only take a few minnows." She threw
me that same old line: "Not tonight. I got a haddock." And
she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest,
meanest-looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He
was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen,
shrimp. Don't you come trolling around here." What a crab.
This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes.
I turned to him and said, "A-balone. You're just being
shellfish." Well, I knew there was going to be trouble and so
did Gill 'cause he was already on the phone to the cods. The
haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left
hook. He eels over. It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on
the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless.
I said, "Forget the cods, Gill, this guy's gonna need a
sturgeon." Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I
landed her boyfriend. She came over to me and said, "Hey big
boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?"
I said, "Marlin."
Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her out to
dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of
flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get
for my troubles? A case of the clams.
