Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna
And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
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November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy
pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle,
usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727
complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in
this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand
dollars worth."
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November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for
departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've
got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first."
The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to
object to the impersonation.
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November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an
exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just
a little too high...San Jose Tower: "American 751 Heavy, turn right at the
end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to
the airport."
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November 1, 1996 - Ouch! Western Airlines had a term for its second
officers. The term was "GIB," and stood for "Guy In Back." The term was
strictly unofficial and was actually frowned upon by the management at
Western. It seems that some wise-guy pilot had been browsing through a
dictionary and had made the discovery that a "gib" is a castrated tomcat.
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October 11, 1996 - What Is That Thang? It was a really nice day, right about
dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in
order to land at Kansas City...
KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock
and three miles.
"Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock
and three miles. Do you have that traffic?
"Delta 105: (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl) "Well... I've
got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle,
though."
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September 6, 1996 - Mmmm-mmm, Good! Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for
takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we
lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7...
did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we copied
Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
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June 28, 1996 - No, That's not what I Said! O'Hare Approach Control: "United
329, traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that
Fokker in sight."
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night? "Now I know why
you named your company Microsoft!
Glenn Wesley PP-ASEL
att!alux5!glennw 220 hrs and climbing. ..
AT&T Bell Laboratories Lehigh Valley Flying Club
Allentown, PA Warrior 30LV, Charger 40LV, Archer 47480
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
About five years ago I worked at an FBO in Atlanta on the line....
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
