A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says
she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much
she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says,
"Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what
form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..."
and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery
bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly
unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president
of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady
to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the
little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling."
"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people
on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000
right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and
I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on
that?" The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a
sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase
Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could
come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right
taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!" The little
old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can
afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?" "Ok, have it your
way", said the president, and they shook hands on it. "See you at 11:55
tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left. Next
morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a
three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The
president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd gotten almost no
sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check
for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked
hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When
the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won. "Come
in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president.
"He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any
objections?" "No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's
now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily. "Not
so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify
things personally! Please drop your pants." The bank president is a bit
flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he
drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to
feel the organs in question. "Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the
little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer
starts banging his head against the wall and moaning. "What's wrong with
him?" asks the bank president. "Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask
me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the
President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
