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• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
  The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane....
• Ok, then there's another song, then it comes back with just acoustic guitar and about 7,000,000 people singing.
  .. I Like 'em Dead (reprise) (He likes 'em dead) You kill 'em I'll grill 'em (He likes 'em dead) You hang 'em I'll bang 'em (He likes 'em dead) You impale 'em I'll nail 'em You can bet as long as I'm around You'll never bury a virgin in the ground....
• The Poles have a saying about how communist governments rewrite history
  "Only the future is certain; the past is always changing" A would-be bandit failed because he had written a holdup up note on another bank's withdrawal slip....
• For all those Tool-Time enthusiasts..... HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of wa
  he hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit....
• In the Garden of Eden lay Adam, Complacently stroking his madam, And loud was his mirth For on all of the earth,There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
  .... %end of list------------- Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real wanker....
• childhood --- I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice.
  It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window....