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• Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine.
  If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• elephones --- I saw a close friend of mine the other day.
  .. He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want....
• The World According to Andy Rooney.... ** On Ads In Bill
  Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now?...
• One voice: I didn't expect an answering machine. Another voice
  Nobody expects an answrering machine. Our chief use is to get your name....
• Jerk! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
  I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?...
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• Well, this isn't strictly from an answering machine, but.
  .. >From Calvin and Hobbes: (phone rings) (you answer) Hello, this is &l...
• ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS You’re in luck. As my luck would have it, I made my bones in a musical family.
  Grandpop slapped ivories at the Congo, and Daddy-O moonlit his rocket ‘88 in the lizard lounges....