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• Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls.
  So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone....
• Because I'm A Man... ** Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
  ** Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at....
• An elderly English couple, the wife rather deaf, were visiting New York.
  They hail a cab and start out on a lengthy journey....
• GETTING RID OF TELEMARKETERS... ** If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
  ** If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problem...
• ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS You’re in luck. As my luck would have it, I made my bones in a musical family.
  Grandpop slapped ivories at the Congo, and Daddy-O moonlit his rocket ‘88 in the lizard lounges....
• First Date Advice Things Not To Say On A First Date
  1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• 125 Things Never To Say During Sex 1)is it in? 2)that's it?
  3)you've got to be kidding me. 4)(phone rings) hello?...
• Straight Out Of The Eighties... This will only make sense to those of us who had the dubious distinction of being children of the eighties, or listened to music on a regular basis.
  If you were "there", then you will understand.... I was working part time in a five and dime....