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• Q: Have you heard about the new black disaster movie? A: It's called A-pack-of-lips Now
• Why to not buy Madonna's Lingerie: 10> Far to thin to cost that much 9> Twisted guys wear it more often than girls 8> You don't want to buy that stuff from anyone wearing road pylons on her chest!
  7> God knows where her hands have been... 6> God knows where SHE'S BEEN!...
• Have you tried McSquared, the pure energy fast-food?
• USComputer Lexicon By Cornelius Unicorn Beginne
  A person who believes more than one-sixteenth of a computer salesperson's spiel....
• MEGA MORON AWARDS Not quite stupid enough for the Darwin awards but they are working on it.
  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change....
• NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (UPI) -- President Clinton said Monday life is more dangerous in America than in war-torn Somalia for many people because of a glut of firearms and endorsed passage of a bill requring a five-day waiting period before a handgun may be purchased.
  Bumper sticker on Arkansan car: If you can read this You're not from here The Secret Service has been worried by Bill Clinton's practice of taking early morning jogs....
• EEKING OUT A LIVING IN RADIOACTIVE SHOES Come now, don’t any of you baby boomers remember having your childhood feet x-rayed at the shoe store?
  It was right about the time we were being stuffed with megadoses of penicillin no matter what the wheezy etiology, and ducking for cover under one-armed elementary school desks in mock nuclear bomb attacks....
• McDonald's Application This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM!
  (editor's note: I would have hired him too!!) NAME...
• The Top 16 New Careers for Joe Camel 16> Spokescamel for "Double Hump" brand condoms.
  15> Takes over for lame Matt LeBlanc as Joey on "Friends....