EL AL = EVERY LANDING ALWAYS LATE TAP = TAKE ANOTHER PLANE KLM = KOOKY LANDING MACHINERY PAN AM = PRICES ARE NOT ALWAYS MODERATE USAIR = UN SAFE AS IN RUIN TWA = TAKE WHATEVER'S AVAILABLE BOAC = BLOODY OLD AIR CRAP CAAC = CHANCES ARE ANYTHING'S CHOICER PSA = PRETTY SHITTY AIRLINE AIRCAL = AM I REALLY CARING ARRIVING LATE?

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Hilarious Flight Information from the Airline Employees Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported...
Area 51... You've all heard of the Air Force's ultrahigh security, super secret base in New Mexico, known simply as "Area 51?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base....
She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...
The following are actual stories told by travel agents (and you wonder why US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on geography).
.. I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut....
THE DARWIN AWARDS Date: December,1997 The Darwin Award is made each year to the person who has managed to kill themselves (and therefore prevent the survival of their genes - hence Darwin!
) in the most bizarre way imaginable. Previous winners have included the man killed when the vending machine he was trying to extract a can of Coke from fell on him, and last years aviator who strapped a JATO module (rocket) to his car and lit the blue touchpaper....
Aviation Terms for The Uninformed ALTERNATE AIRPORT
The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off ALTIMETER SETTING...
Boy, Can A Four Year Old Be Loud! Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning.
As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Patty, apparently scared by the loud storm....
NEW SOFTWARE ANNOUNCEMENT PC WIFE for Dos and Windows For the truly lonely and scandalously ugly men with no chance of ever finding the real thing.
NOTICE! This is not Freeware!...
EXCERPT FROM RECENT FAA ACCIDENT REPORT EYEWITNESS STATEMENT AIRCRAFT
CESSNA 172 PILOT: 30 YRS OLD, CFI, IR FATALITIES...

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