Related:

• How do you kill a fag? A put a mole in his hamster cage.
• Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
  .. Where do you take your dog if it loses its tail....
• Q: How do you tell the age of a dead baby? A: Cut off its head and count the rings.
• I Like 'em Dead I was just 13 when my mommy caught me French-kissing a cadaver in my bed.
  She said, "Son, how could you do this?" And I said "Mom, I like 'em dead....
• The Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder as you get older.
  After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and bumpier....
• THE MAMMOGRAM This is an X-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast.
  Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• Q: What did one nut say to another nut? A: Why are we hanging here when it was Dick that did all the shooting?
  What do Jews and pizza have in common? They both bake well in ovens!...