Related:

• Only irritated oysters produce pearls.
• YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE... when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before Windows 95 finishes booting when you call tech support and they say your version of software has been obsolete for 5 years when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones if your PC is big enough to use as an end table if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization that will take it as a donation when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor hey
  I'm NOT upgrading my VIC 20, OK?!!! when your calculator has more RAM than your computer when your watch has more RAM than your computer when you realize that they don't use tapes anymore when it takes a Chevy pickup to haul your disk drive away when you're getting bored of those stupid Atari games like Frogger when your computer doesn't give you "nice" system errors like "Bad Command or file name" and instead formats your hard drive when you're getting tired of typing in ones and zeros when your abacus gets termites when "Solitaire" only has enough memory to use half the deck when you get the error message "Don't open so many goddam Windows at once!...
• Is OS/2 only half an operating system?
• is OS/2 only half an operating system?
• The Pillsbury Doughboy - Passed Away Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly.
  He was 71. Doughboy was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years....
• A young man was working in the produce department of a grocery store when a customer came up to him and asked if he could buy a half of head of lettuce.
  He said he would check with his manager, however did not notice that the customer was following him to the back of the store....
• Quick Thinker There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market.
  One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce....
• A pleasure boat captain leased out his craft and services to an old and affluent man and his young, very beautiful mistress.
  As misfortune would have it, a storm wrecked the boat and stranded the three of them on some far away island....
• It seems that in this small mid-western town a minister was given gifts by his congregation.
  An eldery woman comes up to him and presents him with several home-baked pies....