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• I'll be unstopable when I get started...
• USComputer Lexicon By Cornelius Unicorn Beginne
  A person who believes more than one-sixteenth of a computer salesperson's spiel....
• COMPUTER TERMS for REDNECKS: BACKUP -- What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
  BAR CODE -- Them's the fight'n rules down to the local tavern....
• WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
  2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on....
• These are computer-related practical jokes played by an old acquaintence years ago at a nameless university in Northern California.
  He wisened up and stopped playing them when the various administrations of the computer centers found out who it was....
• The Jargon Jungle Hacking Through the Jargon Jungle -------------------------------------------------- When I went to college in the 1980'
  I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version....
• Complete Guide to PARALLEL INTERFACE for the Computer Literate Select your desired CPU and initiate your standard word processing program to determine compatibility of this CPU for interface.
  (Helpful Hint: once CPU compatibility is established, you may wish to determine a password which will initiate immediate interface session signon....
• Imagine for a moment if the computer revolution had occoured a decade or so sooner.
  With all the power and chaos of the 60's, it's not to hard to go further and pretend that Computer Nerds Could Have Controlled Network Programming....
• YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE... when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before Windows 95 finishes booting when you call tech support and they say your version of software has been obsolete for 5 years when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones if your PC is big enough to use as an end table if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization that will take it as a donation when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor hey
  I'm NOT upgrading my VIC 20, OK?!!! when your calculator has more RAM than your computer when your watch has more RAM than your computer when you realize that they don't use tapes anymore when it takes a Chevy pickup to haul your disk drive away when you're getting bored of those stupid Atari games like Frogger when your computer doesn't give you "nice" system errors like "Bad Command or file name" and instead formats your hard drive when you're getting tired of typing in ones and zeros when your abacus gets termites when "Solitaire" only has enough memory to use half the deck when you get the error message "Don't open so many goddam Windows at once!...