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• Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!
  -- Homer comforts Apu, "Homer and Apu...
• Chuck: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Chuck Ellis, from the Springfield Collection Agency, and I'm here to ask you why you don't think you need to pay your bills.
  Homer: Oh, I know I need to pay them, but there's just so many!...
• Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
  Wiggum: [driving by] Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box....
• Flanders: Y'know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly, but, uh, you know, what the hey, you know .
  .. kinda reminds me of my good ole fraternity days....
• Homer: All right, knock it off! Ned: Knock what off, Simpson?
  Homer: You've been rubbing my nose in it since I got here!...
• Burns: [turning on the light] Who the devil are you?
  [Homer has painted "I am Homer Simpson" on the wall] Home...
• Inspector: Apu Nahasapeemapetilan, you have disgraced the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation.
  Apu: But, sir, I was only following standard procedure....
• Homer: Hey! Somebody sign an autograph? Please? Somebody.
  ..sign an autograph? Hey, would you sign a....
• Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
  Homer: [reverently] Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St....