Inspector: Apu Nahasapeemapetilan, you have disgraced the Kwik-E-Mart
Corporation.
Apu: But, sir, I was only following standard procedure.
Inspector: Ah, true. But it's _also_ standard procedure to blame any
problems on a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb.
Apu: Uh huh, and if I can obtain for you these animals?
Inspector: I'm sorry, Apu: I have no choice. You can no longer wear
this name patch. [tears it off]
Apu: [gasps]
Inspector: And you can no longer tell people about our fried pickles.
[tears off the patch]
Now: turn in your pricing gun.
{[Apu removes it from a shoulder holster]}
{[severe] The other one too.}
[Apu removes it from an ankle holster]
Apu: [sighs] Fired...after all these years of loyal service.
[picks up a hot dog] I don't want to live any more.
Inspector: [grabs him] Give me that weiner --
Apu: I don't want to live, sir!
Inspector: Give me that weiner --
Apu: Don't --
Inspector: No, Apu, it's not worth it!
-- The biggest moment of Apu's life, "Homer and Apu"
Woman: Why would you want to work at a Kwik-E-Mart?
Woods: To be honest, in my upcoming movie I'm going to be playing
this tightly-wound convenience store clerk and, I kind of
like to research my roles and really get into it....
