Related:

• Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
  Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent....
• phone rings] Kent: Well it looks like we have our first caller.
  ..and I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show....
• Kent: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind?
  This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be....
• Kent: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason.
  Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?...
• Homer: Good concert, am I right? Teen1: Yeah, nice try, narc.
  Teen2: Where's a narc? Teen3: Who? Teen1: That fat Jamaican guy....
• Kent: And how long have you been on the streets? Ba
  Going on five years, Kent. Kent: Ah. Son, your family might be watching....
• Man: You may be interested to know that for my next crime, I'll be pinching the pride and joy of the Springfield Museum -- the world's largest cubic zirconia.
  Homer: Listen, Mr. Cat Burglar, I vow to go without sleep and guard the Springfield Museum day and night for as long as it takes from now on....
• Moe: Clean house, no silverfish. Coulda been very happy here.
  [knock at door] Homer! Homer: Moe! What are you doing here?...
• Marge: Homer, what happened to you? Homer: Marge, I figured out what I can give you that no one else ca
  a bouquet of po -- [sees Moe's bouquet] oh, I give up....