Related:

• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
• I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards.
  I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank....
• Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.
  I told this to my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'" -- Steven Wrigh...
• The other day I went out and bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I brought them home, put them in the bedroom, shut the door, and let them fight it out....
• The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys.
  I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while....
• I think my wife may be getting somewhat overweight.
  "Oh, how can you tell?" "Well, last night when she sat on my face, I couldn't hear the stereo....
• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.
  By accident I put the car key in the door lock. The house started up....