Related:

• One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.
  Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke....
• Harris had the beefstead pie between his knees, and was carving it, and George and I were waiting with our plates ready.
  "Have you got a spoon there?" says Harris; "I want a spoon to help the gravy with....
• I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.
  We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us....
• If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free.
  To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality....
• When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.
  After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us....
• Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger.
  He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure....
• I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles.
  It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle....
• Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
  Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...