Related:

• I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
• A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake.
  Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help....
• It seems there's this magician working one of the luxury cruise ships for a few years.
  He doesn't have to change his routines much as the audiences change over fairly often, and he's got a good life....
• How do you feel about wasting other people's time?
• It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important. -- Saint-Exupery
• A man enters a pet shop, seeking to purchase a parrot.
  He points to a fine colorful bird and asks how much it costs....
• Yeah, there are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.