Related:

• If idiots could fly, Congress would be an airport.
• If idiots could fly, Bill Clinton would be a 747.
• If turkeys could fly Congress would be an airport...!
• If bulls**t could fly, Rush Limbaugh would be a space shuttle.
• If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done.
  If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off....
• When it begins to rain you will consider everyone with an umbrella as a friend.
  -- Yoshi's Umbrella Law...
• Not everyone can carry the weight of the world.
• Dear Miss Manners: I carry a big black umbrella, even if there's just a thirty percent chance of rain.
  May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection?...
• Phoebe: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
  Chandler: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild....