Related:

• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• Ultimately what's most lasting are those intimate moments that are so fleeting.
  Those magical, mystical moments where a man leaves himself and becomes one withanother person....
• A man will be a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy till she becomes your wife.
  -- Al Bundy, (Married With Children)...
• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps.
  She picks it up, rubs it gently, and lo and behold a genie appears!...
• I told someone I was getting married, and they said, "Have you picked a date yet?
  I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding?" What a country! -- Yakov Smirnoff...
• Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
  Well, I haven't. I find that whenever a woman becomes friends with me, she becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damn nuisance...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman.
  Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. -- Robert Schuma...