I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's
neck. Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she
is one of the ways. In marriage a man must give up many of his old and
pleasant habits, even if it means giving up the woman he married. Always
have a woman sign a prenuptial agreement that if she leaves your bed and
board, she takes off with as little as possible. Marry an outdoors woman.
Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still
survive. Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of.
Never trust your wife behind your back, even if she claims she only wants
to wash or scratch it. An ideal start for matrimony would be to have a
drunken rabbi perform a Catholic ceremony in an Episcopalian church. Then
it could be declared illegal in the courts.
-- W. C. Fields
