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• I think I'd be a good mother--maybe a little overprotective.
  Like I would never let the kid out--of my body. -- Wendy Liebma...
• You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!
  "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen!...
• You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!
  "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen!...
• You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!
  "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen....
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• I told my mother I was going to have natural childbirth.
  She said to me, "Linda, you've been taking drugs all your life....
• Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
  Marge: [Wearily] Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa....
• I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name. -- Paula Poundstone