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• One day this guy is finally fed up with his middle-class existence and decides to do something about it.
  He calls up his best friend, who is a mathematical genius....
• During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Rabbi K: You know that my son Herschel was first in his yeshiva class?
  As a matter of fact, he was voted `The most likely to hear God'....
• Stalin was dying, and summoned Khruschev to his bedside.
  Wheezing his last words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "The reins of the country are now in your hands....
• There appears before you a threatening figure clad all over in heavy black armor.
  His legs seem like the massive trunk of the oak tree....
• Never ask your lover if he'd dive in front of an oncoming train for you.
  He doesn't know. Never ask your lover if she'd dive in front of an oncoming band of Hell's Angels for you....
• Never ... know a public man well enough that he inhibits you from writing about him frankly and fully while he's living his public life.
  -- Alistair Cooke...
• Marge: But on the other hand, when you don't take advantage of an opportunity, you can end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
  Homer: You're right, Marge. Just like the time I could have met Mr....