If your monthly phone bill includes over seventy-five dollars' worth of
calls to Entertainment Tonight 900-number opinion polls, get a life ... If
you always make a point to sit up front on a bus so you can "chat" with the
driver ... get a life! If you still own and operate a CB radio and you are
not a licensed interstate truck driver ... get a life! If you are on a
first-name basis with all of the security guards at your local shopping
mall ... Get a life!
-- Charlie Kadau
Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I
think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves
you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried,
you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-
five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive
stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets
and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into
rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then
-- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get
hit by a city bus and then you die....
Life, you know, is rather like opening a tin of sardines. We are all of us
looking for the key. And I wonder, how many of you here tonight have wasted
years of your lives looking behind the kitchen dressers of this life for
that key?...
