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• One morning, four years ago, something happened that I will never forget.
  I woke up, and I looked at myself in the mirror, because I happened to wake up in the bathroom, and I said to myself, "Dave, you have a wonderful wife, you have a newborn son, you have a good job, you have friends who care about you, you have a lawn mower that starts on the second or third pull--you have everything a man could possibly want, and a whole lifetime ahead of you to enjoy it in....
• I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy 'em all.
  I learned early in life how to handle alcohol and never had any trouble with it....
• I suppose that in a few hours I will sober up. That's such a sad thought.
  I think I'll have a few more drinks to prepare myself....
• You know you are in trouble when you've got insomnia so bad you can't fall asleep even when it's time to get up.
• I can also withstand considerably more G-force than most people, even though I do say so myself.
  -- Third Doctor, AMBASSADORS OF DEATH...
• Ahem. Hello, everyone. Before last year's Hallowe'en show, I warned you not to let your children watch.
  But you did anyway. Mm. Well, this year's episode is even worse....
• Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up just like us.
  What happened? Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. The whole modern world's got a swishifying effect on kids today....
• So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate your current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and hurl it into a dumpster.
  Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast array of 8-millimeter video equipment....
• So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate your current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and hurl it into a dumpster.
  Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast array of 8-millimeter video equipment....