Related:

• If I am ever stuck on a respirator or a life-support system, I definitely want to be unplugged--but not till I get down to a size 8.
  -- Henriette Mantel...
• Quimby: In the spirit of the occasion, I must tell you what I think.
  You two screwed up royal! Worker: Ya know, I really don't feel like being blamed....
• I grew up Catholic. Then I grew up. -- Chris Pirillo (chris@lockergnome.com)
• I used to be a liberal. Then I grew up.
• I used to be an adult before I grew up.
• I tell ya, drugs never worked out for me. The first time I tried smoking pot I didn't know what I was doing.
  I smoked half the joint, got the munchies, and ate the other half....
• I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
  -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.
  -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death
  My life has been one great big joke, Sixty years in these folks' world A dance that's walked The child I works for calls me girl A song that's spoke, I say "Yes ma'am" for working's sake....