Related:

• CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
  A busy man complained one day: "I get no time!...
• Once Law was sitting on the bench And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
  "Clear out!" he cried, "disordered wench! Nor come before me creeping....
• LAW, n. Once Law was sitting on the bench, And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
  "Clear out!" he cried, "disordered wench! Nor come before me creeping....
• EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
  Megaceph, chosen to serve the State In the halls of legislative debate, One day with all his credentials came To the capitol's door and announced his name....
• BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.
  Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give....
• UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house.
  Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse....
• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Since I've seen this *several* times in this group, the actual context of the God is dead quotation of Nietzsche
  The Madman. -- Have you ever heard of the madman who on a bright morning lighte d a lantern and ran to the market-place callin out unceasingly...