Related:

• An old man lost all his money. Seventy years old, hasn't got a dime.
  Who does he blame? His wife. He says, "If you were a good wife, you'd go out and work for me....
• How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.
  -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD) -- Meditations, iv, 18...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Kid goes into barber shop and orders his very long hair cut to the roots.
  Older bystander laughingly asks him how much weight he has lost in doing this....
• A stockbroker catches his wife in bed with another man.
  He says to her, "What's going on here?" She says, "Believe it or not, John, I've gone public!...
• At about 2500 A.D., humankind discovers a computer problem that *must* be solved.
  The only difficulty is that the problem is NP complete and will take thousands of years even with the latest optical biologic technology available....
• He who says what he likes will hear what he does not like. English Proverb
• He who says what he likes, hears what he does not like. Spanish Proverb
• Grimes: God, he eats like a pig. Lenny: I dunno.
  Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck....