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• Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day!
• How many university professors -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore....
• How many blues musicians -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a light bulb there and the other to play harp....
• How many Englishmen -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb!...
• How many Perot supporters -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  None, they all just quit and go home!...
• How many undertakers -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  None. They just paint them black and go on using them....
• I was out in the backyard one beautiful day. I said to my mother, "Mama, why don't I have no sister or no brother?
  She said, "Go away, go play, don't worry your mother, dear....
• Nice computers only go down once a day
• A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit.
  The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long....