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• T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E
• My youngest child is the funniest one of the group.
  I had just finished eating and my stomach was swollen from the food that went in it....
• My next-door neighbor's little girl, 16 years old, pretty little girl--showed up just as pregnant as she could be.
  Her mama hit the ceiling. She said, "Who done it?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I've had five years of happy marriage. Which isn't bad out of fifteen .
  .. She looked at me one night, said, "Do you think I'll lose my looks when I get old?...
• In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man noticed a very prim and pretty girl sitting quietly apart from the rest of the revelers.
  Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet conversation, said, "I'm afraid you and I don't really fit in with this jaded group....
• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• A five-year-old kid raised his hand at school. The teacher declined to let him leave the room.
  Five minutes later she reversed herself. She said, "All right, Sonny, you may go now....
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...