Related:

• Two rather dumb teams were playing one another in football.
  The visiting team heard the ref's whistle and thought it was the sign that the game had ended, whereupon the team left the field....
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....
• When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving.
  He said it was elevator practice. -- Steven Wrigh...
• And to think," murmured the rosy-glow-feeling adolescent to the girl with whom he had just scored, "that a few short years ago I thought happiness was a warm puppy".
• I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right.
  I realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica....
• I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. -- Steven Pearl
• When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins.
  Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic....
• The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven .
  .. I almost went back in time. -- Steven Wrigh...
• The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven .
  .. I almost went back in time." -- Steven Wrigh...