Related:

• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was walking down the street and all of a sudden the prescription for my eye-glasses ran out.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident.
  I hit a bookmark. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. -- Steven Wrigh
• I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
  Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm.
  By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh...
• I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. -- Steven Wrigh